Tenchi Needs A Vacation!
by Red Star
Summary: Based on Weird Al Yankovic's "Jerry Springer". Altering songs is harder than it looks! READ AND REVIEW!!!!


TENCHI NEEDS A VACATION

TENCHI NEEDS A VACATION

By Red Star

This is based on Al Yankovic's "Jerry Springer" which is based on…well, I don't remember the song title, but the original tune isn't his either, therefore, it isn't mine.

SCENE: Tenchi's family was gathered around the TV in time for Red Star's speech. In a few minutes, the famous Revolutionary's deep, manly voice that was also irresistibly sexy (This is my story and if I say my voice is sexy then it's sexy!).

He strode out onto the podium wearing a dark military tunic. His tight, high color had two gold hammer and sickles pinned to them. On his sleeves were gold stars between the ends of two crossed oak leaves. On his gold shoulder boards was the insignia of a Marshal of the Soviet Union.

He laid down his speech and gestured for the crowd's roar to die down. A giant screen above him then showed a red star bordered by metal with sunlight coming from one corner. A hammer and sickle then slammed one by one onto the star with heavy clangs.

"Comrades, children of the revolution…" he began,

"It's been one week since we got to see

Ryoko trying to make Tenchi marry

Five days since they had the show

With Sasami, the Guardians, and some snow

Three days since we heard the tale of this poor guy tormented without fail

Yesterday it occurred to me 

That Poor Tenchi needs a vacation

Holy Cow, d'you see it last week?

Well Ryoko really freaked

And sucker punched Mihoshi

Do you recall when the brawl

Became a total free-for-all

And Tenchi's in the middle tryin' to be the referee

Hey, see the Galaxy cop with the green hair

She has a vacant stare

But Mihoshi doesn't seem to care

Now here comes the next "guest" 

And it's a slugfest

Cause it's Tenchi's hyperactive daughter

It's like "Cosby" on crack

But with more maniacs

They all exhibet violent, mad behavior

Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes

Step on their toes, that's how it goes

They get so violent it's worse than Iwo Jima

They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt and pointin' blame

In the air, they don't care, they've got no shame

There was one point I thought strange

When Ryo-Ohki got stuck in mid-change 

They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly

They have a history of slapping each other's face

It's been one week since they had the fight

Over whether to watch MTV or Nick at Night

Five days since that awful brawl

They still haven't plugged that hole in the wall

It's been three days since the bitter feud

Between Ryoko and Ayeka over snack foods

Yesterday, kinda dawned on me

I think Poor Tenchi needs a vacation

**Ryoko:** I think I'll sleep with Tenchi…

**Ayeka: **Don't you dare…

**Sasami:** Can I…?

**Ryoko/Ayeka:** NO!!!!

**Washu:** He's already sleeping with me, girls.

**Tenchi:** HHHHHEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!!

**Mihoshi:** Cool! Look at those long metal arms encircle Tenchi's helpless body like a carnivorousoctopus seizing it's pray!

**Kiyone:** Shut up, Mihoshi.

**Mihoshi:** Waaaaahhh, I'm soorrrryy!

Once they star fightin', there's just no stoppin'

The house comes down and the ships are droppin'

Tenchi's the Mecca of Space Women

It's Mass Obsession

It puts the "fat" in "infatuation"

It's so cool, better than "Star Trek"

It's like a train wreck

So amazing you can't look away

Like me he's a plain joe

But chased by weirdoes 

The carnage rising faster every day

If you've seen the show, well then you know

It's the cream of sci-fi Jap shows

The girls are loud and they don't wear earth jeans

And pretty soon some big goon comes to Earth and attacks with BOOM

In the face of these fight-queens

Well it's the kind of show where the women are obsessive

Watchin' crap, building for Tenchi some love trap

"Tenchi! Tenchi!" The girls start to chant

Should I look away? I just can't

I have a tendency to watch it religiously 

I have a history of laughing at his plight

It's been one week since the show about

Second Queen Misaki and problems she should work out

Five days since the big surprise

When Emperor Azuse got himself another wife

Three days since we got to view 

Their trip to Auntie's with Ryoko all nude

Yesterday, it occurred to me

That Poor Tenchi needs a vacation

He's tired of the noise and needs a vacatiuon

I bet I could make some bread booking this vacationer

Come over here and pull on my finger."

The Masaki family sat and stared at the TV.

"Now, how did he know all that?" asked Tenchi, casting a glare at his father, who was wearing a red armband with a metal red star with a hammer and sickle attached to it.


End file.
